The things you didn’t know about being an orphan
by XXXlove hurtsX
Summary: Matt has always carried a journal around with him. he writes anything and everything in that journal. But what happens when it gets published?
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so I and my sister thought of this last night. So I have to give her credit for this one.**

**Plus we got a little bit of the idea from a doujinshi about Matt and Mello, don't worry there will be no sex in this story I just got some depressing quotes from the story that we thought would fit nicely in this. **

_**------------------------------------------------------- ---------**_

**Matt's POV**

I always keep a journal with me where ever I go so I can Wright everything down on the day that it happened on, it doesn't matter what it is, whither it was the bad, or the good, sometimes it's just completely useless. Like whenever Near gets a new toy, or when Mello tripped over the couch and fell on me on accident. Or the first time I saw a jet stream.

It's my first year in Wammys house and today's my 6th birthday, there's a tradition here that if one person gets a present then every one else gets a chocolate bar, that's because Roger Watari (our/my foster parent) thinks its not fair if on person gets something and no one else does. The present that I got is a black leather journal with Matt written in gold writing, inside the journal their was a picture of our whole foster/orphan family, with no writing in the inside. At first I didn't understand why every one gave that to me, but Roger told me _"Matt that book is from every one here and it's not for drawing, you'll find out something to use it for on your own." _And of course I did find out what to do with it. I'm glad I did because I love looking back at what happened every day, right before I fall asleep.

**9 years later**

I'm now 15 and today's after noon is the day that Mello left all of us.

"_Matt it's a present. I don't need it anymore so you take it, it's the software guides and other things you said you wanted to read…and you got the same research topic as me didn't you? You can use my findings."_

"_Even though you're leaving you still have time to worry about people's studies? Ha…well you'll be getting thanks from me."_

The truth is I really don't want to let Mello leave, even if I had to resort to tying you down, I didn't want to separate from Mello. So why did I say something so stupid?

"_I'm different from you and Near, I'm probably not going to achieve anything great. If your ganna leave then hurry up and fucking leave before you develop any emotional attachments, Mello" _

Really I was the one with emotional attachment I just didn't to admit it.

"_Yeah... that's true…excuse me Matt"_

Because I was bitter, because I had no way to stop you…I let you Leave. And now Mello has disappeared right in front of my eyes, now I'm stuck here in the dark. Sure Near and Watari are still hear but it's not a family without Mello, No that's not true I'm nothing without Mello, I love Mello. This is one thing that I had to Wright down even if it hurts and always will hurt, I'll regret this day for the rest of my life; but I can't forget Mello not even for an instant. So I wrote down everything, I even remember the whole conversation I had this afternoon.

**We will put up the next chapter either later today or sometime tomorrow.**

**We already know how the whole story will end up.**

**Sorry if this chapter sucked a little, we couldn't stop crying while typing it because, we have seven foster kittens and Two of them just died about 40 mins ago so it's hard to right this with out crying. **

**Holly died in my sister's arms around 10 minutes before Blane died in my arms. **

**Comments would be nice.**

**And no I'm not exaggerating on the age of the kittens and what happened, we foster cats until there old enough to get bought which is 6 weeks +**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I and my sister thought of this last night. So I have to give her credit for this one.**

**Plus we got a little bit of the idea from a doujinshi about Matt and Mello, don't worry there will be no sex in this story I just got some depressing quotes from the story that we thought would fit nicely in this. **

_**------------------------------------------------------- ---------**_

**Matt's POV**

I always keep a journal with me where ever I go so I can Wright everything down on the day that it happened on, it doesn't matter what it is, whither it was the bad, or the good, sometimes it's just completely useless. Like whenever Near gets a new toy, or when Mello tripped over the couch and fell on me on accident. Or the first time I saw a jet stream.

It's my first year in Wammys house and today's my 6th birthday, there's a tradition here that if one person gets a present then every one else gets a chocolate bar, that's because Roger Watari (our/my foster parent) thinks its not fair if on person gets something and no one else does. The present that I got is a black leather journal with Matt written in gold writing, inside the journal their was a picture of our whole foster/orphan family, with no writing in the inside. At first I didn't understand why every one gave that to me, but Roger told me _"Matt that book is from every one here and it's not for drawing, you'll find out something to use it for on your own." _And of course I did find out what to do with it. I'm glad I did because I love looking back at what happened every day, right before I fall asleep.

**9 years later**

I'm now 15 and today's after noon is the day that Mello left all of us.

"_Matt it's a present. I don't need it anymore so you take it, it's the software guides and other things you said you wanted to read…and you got the same research topic as me didn't you? You can use my findings."_

"_Even though you're leaving you still have time to worry about people's studies? Ha…well you'll be getting thanks from me."_

The truth is I really don't want to let Mello leave, even if I had to resort to tying you down, I didn't want to separate from Mello. So why did I say something so stupid?

"_I'm different from you and Near, I'm probably not going to achieve anything great. If your ganna leave then hurry up and fucking leave before you develop any emotional attachments, Mello" _

Really I was the one with emotional attachment I just didn't to admit it.

"_Yeah... that's true…excuse me Matt"_

Because I was bitter, because I had no way to stop you…I let you Leave. And now Mello has disappeared right in front of my eyes, now I'm stuck here in the dark. Sure Near and Watari are still hear but it's not a family without Mello, No that's not true I'm nothing without Mello, I love Mello. This is one thing that I had to Wright down even if it hurts and always will hurt, I'll regret this day for the rest of my life; but I can't forget Mello not even for an instant. So I wrote down everything, I even remember the whole conversation I had this afternoon.

**We will put up the next chapter either later today or sometime tomorrow.**

**We already know how the whole story will end up.**

**Sorry if this chapter sucked a little, we couldn't stop crying while typing it because, we have seven foster kittens and Two of them just died about 40 mins ago so it's hard to right this with out crying. **

**Holly died in my sister's arms around 10 minutes before Blane died in my arms. **

**Comments would be nice.**

**And no I'm not exaggerating on the age of the kittens and what happened, we foster cats until there old enough to get bought which is 6 weeks +**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Death Note but I wish I did.**

**I have never read the death note- Another Note... With Beyond Birthday so later on this'll be way off than what me and my sister though of but please still read on.**

I can't let Mello get hurt. Not more than he already has.

I found myself jumping of the couch while pulling Mello's revolver out of his pocket. And pointed it at the people that kidnapped Mello and tortured him. I don't know why I'm doing this especially since I could end up getting us both killed here.

The last time I did something this stupid is when I faced up against the cops during the kidnapping of Takada, good thing I'm really good at faking death.

I know I shouldn't shoot but I can't be helpless again. I have to save Mello and get us out of here even if it costs me my life. Not because that's what Near told me to do, but because I'd want to risk my life for Mello and only if it's for Mello, that's if I were to die saving someone's life, I'm not planning to die here.

"_Matt, don't shoot them I know you want to save me but you don't stand a chance against Rod, you'll get yourself killed" _One of the mafia members has tied Mello's hands and legs together so he cant get loose. That's just triggering my anger even more.

I 'm almost pulling the trigger on Mello's gun when at least five or six of the mafia people are shooting at me with all they've got. I can't die this way I know I can't, not here, not now. So I decide to get back up on my feet, only to here Mello's angelic voice save us, to not get captured or killed. _"Matt!!"_

If Mello didn't call my name I wouldn't have remembered that, I'm best when I play games. So all I have to do is think as if this is a game. Now how will I put this into levels? I know, for every person I kill or knock out is another wining level, once I have all of them down I have defeated the boss, then all that's left is to beet the game, and that'll be when I'm done untie Mello and get us out of here alive.

I'm so glad that I rescued Mello, and it was easier than I thought it would be. But now I'm in the hospital and I don't like hospitals. _"Matt, I'm sorry for leaving you, but it was either, I left you to join them or you getting killed, at that time it just made since to join them. I never thought I would have to stay their for that long though"_

"_It's ok Mello, it's in the past now, lets head towards the future alright." _Why is Mello laying beside me? I thought we had a confusing relationship a, hate you/friendship kind of one. Although I feel really happy that he's lying beside me, probably because for once Mello's he's acknowledging that we get along. _"Near? What are you doing here? This isn't a playground for kids, you know that right?"_ _"You can still joke while you're in that kind of position. And isn't it obvious I'm visiting a family member that's what we do right?" _Near walked over and sat on the couch, just to start playing with his toy's, well to be precise action figures and a plain white puzzle puzzle.

Why is Mello getting closer to me? I can't understand what he's feeling or trying to tell me at this moment. Even though he is all I can think about right now. _"Mello? What are you doing?" "Isn't it obvious?" "No it's not."_ Why is Mello kissing me? It took me a while to register what he is doing, and I finely remember our kiss back at his house. So I pull him in closer, while our tong's are battling for dominance, I'm thinking can life get any better than this? Heaven would be hell with out Mello, because right now I am in heaven.

**Reviews Make Matt Confused?????**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own D.N in any way, but I'm working on it…**

**I have to give credit to my sister for helping me think of this story, weather id like to or not. **

A couple years has passed since Mello left us, I'm not sure why I hadn't thought of going to L for information on where Mello had left, but it can't be helped now, since L is now dead. So I'll to go to Near for information on Mello instead.

I know it's rude to barge in someone's house without asking but all I can think about is Mello, and all the things he could be doing right now. Or if something bad had happened to him while he wasn't at Wammy's house any more.

Getting straight to the point, I barge into Near's room to ask where Mello is and if he has any clues on what happened to him in the past 3 years that he was away..

When I walked in I saw something that is totally unexpected, I thought Near would be playing a puzzle or something when I walked in but to my surprise he wasn't. He was…….

"_ are you crying? What happened to make you like this?" _ This isn't just a simple cry he's sobbing and bad the kind that can get really annoying after listening to it after a while. I can't stand it when a relative cry's. I guess he's not really a relative since all the Wammy kids are orphans.

"_W. what do you want Matt?" _wow Near changes his attitude fast.

"_Well you don't have to so Pissed. And you never answered the question I asked you." _

I go and sit down on the edge of the bed by Near to comfort him; it's weird seeing him like this. I know that he's quite a morbid kid but who knew that he was also depressed.

"_Ok then. To answer your pointless question. You can't change the past, so dont bother to help me." _ I can tell that he's about to cry again if I keep this subject up, so I'll just get straight to the point on what I came here for.

"_I answered you, now you answer my question, I'll repeat this once. What'd you come here for?" _

"_Oh, Yea. Do you have clues to why Mello left Wammy's 3 years ago? And where he is now."_

"_Yea I do but, why do you want to know? I thought you two didn't get along."_

"_That doesn't really matter but do you or not?" _ I'm pretty sure Near would have some evidence on where Mello ran off to. After all he has all the evidence that L used to have on him and L never misses anything and there are no flaws on what he does.

"_When Mello left Wammy's I found out that he joined the Mafia for some reason and he's in America at the moment. Here's the address. When you get their I cant promise that you'll live Matt, are you still looking forward to seeing him knowing that you might die in the process."_

"_That's ok. I don't care if I die in the process; as long as I'm able to see Mello again then I don't care."_

"_Very well then, go ahead but don't complain to me if you end up tattered looking t like you just cam out of hell." _

I leave then and their rushing to may sweet Red corvette, damn it I have to cross the sea if I'm going to get to America. I guess I'll take a ferry or something, there's no way in hell I'm leaving my Baby behind, besides if I'm to rush out of Mello's house I'll need a fast car since bus's are slow.

**Thanks for reading. Reviews make Near not as depressed.**

**What happens when the Mafia comes back into Mello's house, and they find Matt?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry, I've been caught up in other things lately. So it took w awhile to update.**

**XXXXXXXX**

**Yesterday, I walked into a graveyard and the Cheshire cat rose from the grave. **

**He smiled and pointed at me.**

**The next thing I knew I was surrounded by fallen angels. **

**I woke up in the grave yard this morning and everything was back to normal **

**XXXXXXX**

**I only own Matt's Journal**

**When in **_**italics**_ **they're speaking out loud**

**Other than that they're thinking**

**XXXXXXX**

I parked my car a block away from Mello's house. That way the mafia wont be able to hear me coming to Mello's house.

When I got to Mello's house, I sneaked around to the back, and waited for the mafia to leave, and were out of sight.

_I think the mafia is far enough away now, finely I can go in._

_Mello are you here?_

_Matt? What are you doing here?_

_I came to take you back home with me._

_Matt I'm not going back I like it here._

How's that possible. I clearly remember that Mello would rather die than join the mafia.. But then again that was years ago.

_Mello. Your lying to me again._

_No. I'm not._

_Mello you're hiding something from me aren't you?_

_What could I possibly be…._

I pushed Mellow on the couch and pinned him down. Cutting him off in mid sentence.

_Matt get off Me._

_No. Not till you tell me the truth. The real reason that you left Wammy's back then._

Mello? why's he crying? Mello never cry's.

_Matt, the only reason I left Wammy's was because._

_They threatened me to join them._

_How'd they do that?_

_They told me that. If I didn't join them…… _

***Mello's thoughts* **If I tell matt, will he still think of me the same? Or will he abandon me like people usually do? Oh well. No point in hiding it anymore

***end of Mello's thoughts***

_Mello. don't pause mid sentence. We don't have time to stall. Hurry up._

_Ok. They said that. If I didn't join them they'd, kill you._

_Mello? I thought you hated me?_

_No I. I ummmm…uh. I could never hate you. I .uhhh. I actually think of you more than a friend._

Mello might feel uncomfortable. But then again right now I really don't care.

I laid down on Mello. And whispered in his ear. _I love you too Mells._

***Mells thoughts* **Mells? He hasn't called me that since the first year he came to Wammy's. ***end of Mells thoughts* **

I new kissing Mell would surprise him at first. but I wasn't expecting him to melt right into the kiss.

You'd think Mells would push me off the couch, then scold me.

***the front door slams open* **

_Oh shit._

I immediately stood up and pulled out my gun.

Getting ready to shoot.

There was at least 10 Mafia members in front of me, I bet there are others outside as well.

In an instant one of the guys had Mello tied to a chair, his mouth covered with cloth, and a knife to his throat.

I had to get Mells out of here.

I shot 8 of them down.

And I just barely dodged getting a but of a gun strait at my temple.

In an instant I shot him down and got Mells untied and out of there.

_I bet that was all just luck back there. _

_Your bleeding like crazy._

_Matt I'm driving you to the hospital immediately._

_Forget it Mello. Just concentrate on getting as far away as possible from this town. We'll worry about my injury's later._

**XXXXXXXX**

**Review's make the world back to normal.**

**I have to give credit to my sis. Both of us thought of this story a couple of months ago.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I can rightfully say that DN does not belong to me.**

**XXXXXXX**

**When in **_**italics**_** they are speaking out loud. When in Segoe Print ****it's Matt's letter. Other than that there thinking to themselves.**

**Mello=Mehael Kheel *Pronounced like* (Me hail /(eel only with a k))**

**Near=Nate Rivers *Pronounced like* (Nate /REE vers)**

**Matt- Mail Jeevas *Pronounced like* (Mile /gee vas)**

**XXXXXXXX**

When I got to the hospital, and the doctor was finished with the surgery. I noticed that Near was by the windowsill playing with a puzzle.

When he turned to me and said. _"Matt that Doctor is an imposter, I was watching the surgery and every thing just seemed wrong."_

I tried to ignore Near's comment, probable because I didn't want to believe him, even though this kind of thing happens all the time.

XXXXXXX

I looked down and Mello was crying on my chest.

I wonder why I never noticed that my shirt was drenched until now.

"_Matt he put poison in you, were not sure if you'll make it or not."_

I cant believe someone can stop crying that fast, and become serious so fast. Like mello did just now

But maybe that's why I'm feeling dizzy.

I pulled out my notebook, and wrote the date, time, and what has happened today.

I know I'm slipping away, I don't know how to explain it I just kind of know.

**Matt died (wow that was totally blunt)**

It's weird looking at your won dead corpse, especially when I never believed in the super natural until now

"_Mello please don't cry, its not like you to cry. "_

"_Mello, check what matt write down before he died. It might be a goodbye letter."_

The note read

Dear Mehael Keehl, and Nate Rivers

Thanks for being there for me when I needed you, although you guys were total ass wholes at the orphanage.

Nate, don't worry I'll always be there when you're sad or upset. And the same goes for you Mehael.

Mehael I am truly sorry that, the day you found out my true feelings was the day that I had to leave you. But you shouldn't worry about me, I want you to be happy.

Even if you both cant see me. trust me I will always be rite beside you. (Heh. that sounded a bit stalkerish didn't it? ).

Mello I really do love you. But I guess your just meant to meet some one else to fall in love with. So don't get your hopes up. There's some one out there waiting for you.

I never wanted to miss a moment of your life. And I know you would never want to miss a moment of mine as well. So after some time of righting I found a purpose for righting in this journal. And that purpose is for you to know my whole life story, even if I don't and never will know yours. So this for you and Nate.

Its meant to say my thanks, for giving me this book when I was kid, so I am intrusting this to you guys to keep all my secrets safe.

Love/your friend

Mail Jeevas

"_Near, Matt wrote this letter 5 years ago."_

While I was trying to comfort Mello, despite that he cant see me, hear me, nor feel me.

I didn't notice that Near left the room until he came back in.

Wait why does Near have blood splattered on his face? Doesn't Near work behind the scenes? I Thought He usually gets others to do things for him.

XXXXXXXXX

**Please Review/Comment**

**Will Matt's death turn out for the better of other's or will it just make things worse.**

**Always expect the unexpected.**

**(a little quote that I made up sometime ago.)**

**If some one else has said this quote before, then I don't care. Because I have not stolen it.**

**Again please Comment/Review**


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